fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You need Xanax blowdarts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
