Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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