Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
