Your tits are I can't wait for
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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