hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
