Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
