I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
