You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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