yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
