dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
