i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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