I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
