so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
