can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
