Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
