I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
