like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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