I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
