I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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