If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
