the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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