i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
