I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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