i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
