my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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