I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
even my farts smell like vagina
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
