i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
