So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
