cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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