stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
