gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
