you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
