I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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