You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
