every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
