How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
