so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
