Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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