Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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