is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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