what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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