Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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