You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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