I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
