She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
