Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
