Where is the hickey?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
