Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....