does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"