im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hippo gnu deer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.