there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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