So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."