Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
