the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
