Im at strip club and am horny
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
