He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
