Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
