Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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