I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
