he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
