I feel like abortions should bother me more
i will never coherently bang her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
