I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
