Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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