drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
