true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize