my phone needs a breathalizer
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So. Much. Porn.
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