she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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