Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
pray to the hookup gods
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
