if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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