I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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