I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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