Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
