If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
