mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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