...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
