omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
