Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
