you would pick up someone in the library
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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