just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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