Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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