On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize