the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
