It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
